Like any normal person, my favorite season is fall.

Not because of Halloween, not because of my birthday (Scorpio season is coming up, y’all!), and not because of the seasonal phenomenon that is bobbing for apples.

I mean, seriously. Who even invented bobbing for apples!? Some jackass probably thought, “hey, here’s an idea: DROWNING, but make it festive.”

Sicko.

Anyway, clearly I digress. My favorite part about fall is the cooler weather, which allows me to blossom into the fashionable butterfly that I am during the colder months of the year. I always give summer fashion the ole college try, but I give up almost immediately, because let’s face it. Crotch sweat makes it hard to feel like the fashion mogul that I was born to be, if you catch my drift.

This fall, I’ve got a couple ideas up my well-tailored sleeve that are going to ensure that I am among the most fashionable folks out there. Lucky for you, I’m outlining them here so you can either get with my trend action or just marvel at the general fabulousness of it all.

Short Hair, Don’t Care (Except that Clearly I Do)

OKAY, TWIST MY ARM. I’ll tell you about my haircut! For the last year, I’ve been growing my hair out, trying to rock a Bon Jovi-circa-1985 look, and it has kind of been my brand. I liked it. I thought it was fun to play around with various products (not really all that fun for my bank account, but that’s neither here nor there), to be able to pull it back whenever I wanted to, et cetera. But I needed a change, and it’s as simple as that. I’m not like those people who take 10 years to decide whether or not they want to get two inches cut off their hair. I realized the time had come to return to the short, curly shag, and the next day I made an appointment with my gal Sandy, and later that day I got seven inches cut off. So, basically, I’m walking into fall looking less like Bon Jovi and feeling more like, well, me.  

The Old Switcheroo: Denim Edition

Usually I will live and die by skinny jeans in some sort of a stretch denim (please don’t call them jeggings; I’m in denial that I am a 22-year-old who owns jeggings, even though I most definitely do and I love them beyond belief). This season though, I want to branch out from my usual two-pairs-of-Old-Navy-skinny-jeans rotation. I’m talking mom jeans. They give me room to let my hips breathe. If I had any capability to do acrobatics, I could do them in my mom jeans. They’re THAT roomy. I’m talking bell bottoms. Now, if you said to me, “Emma, you do realize that Jar Jar Binks did bell-bottoms first and probably better, right?” I would say to you, “Get behind me, Satan.” I’m ignoring the denim haters and making it happen this season. Skinny jeans have a special place in my heart, but I’m leaping and bounding into new denim territory.

Big Print Energy

Recently, I have come into ownership of several printed button-down shirts that are lovely in the most horrendous way, and they are hitting the streets come autumn. You’ll be able to see me from a mile away. I mean, I’m bringing the Hawaiian print (and yes, I said Hawaiian print, nobody ever made the rule that Hawaiian print is only for summer. I’m pairing it with black jeans and a corduroy blazer and NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO TOUCH ME, YOU CAN COUNT ON THAT!), chunky stripes, leopard print, you name it. I’ve purchased a one-way ticket to Ugly Shirt-ville, whether anyone wants to come with me or not.

In There Like Gym-Wear

This is more in reference to my recent Fabletics subscription. I KNOW, I KNOW, ain’t nobody got money to be supporting Kate Hudson’s dream of outfitting all young women in her overpriced sportswear, but hear me out. When I signed up, there was a sale on leggings, two-for-$24. I have never in my life had a pair of leggings that fit me well enough to add into my regular wardrobe repertoire, so I jumped on it. So now I have TWO (2) pairs of leggings, a black pair and a red pair. They are both high-waisted (you know, to keep the gut in check) and they aren’t see-through, so when I’m squatting at the gym you won’t be able to see all of my goods AND services. It’s like a win-win (except for the camel-toe situation, because it cannot be helped, no matter which cheesy rom-com star designs the leggings, but I’m learning to live with it).

Not Just for the Boys

Ever since the sixth grade, I’ve been in support of the androgyny trend. I was trendy before it was even a trend. Of course, back then it was called the “why-is-Emma-wearing-her-brother’s-plaid-cargo-shorts” trend, but hey, I don’t make the rules of fashion, I just enforce them. Nowadays, I’m still pulling off this trend by wearing my brother’s clothes, only it’s less hoodies and cargo pants and more like oversized sweaters and structured blazers. Thankfully.

Scarfs, The Accessory of the Fashion Gods

It’s always a scarf kinda day. Want to spice up your otherwise bland outfit? Throw on a scarf. Want to add a pop of color or distract from your bad hair day? Throw on a scarf. Want to bring the Professor Trelawney look to life? Throw on a scarf. I’m telling you, it’s the way to go. In the hair, around the neck, as a belt, around my wrist, you name it, I’m giving it a go this season.

The Black Tight Movement

Do I look like Brigitte Bardot when I wear sheer black tights? Of course. Okay, that may be a stretch, but black tights are the move when the weather stars getting colder. Not only do tights allow me to skip shaving my legs, but I can wear them underneath skirts and dresses that otherwise would be stuffed into the back of my closet to await warmer weather again. So maybe I won’t look like Brigitte Bardot, but I WILL look like a practical gal making her seasonal wardrobe stretch year round. May I just say, ooh la la?

Your Slave to Fashion and Seasonally Stylish Servant,

Em

(Jar Jar Binks image courtesy of https://www.starwars.com/databank/jar-jar-binks )

(Professor Trelawney image courtesy of https://www.pottermore.com/explore-the-story/sybill-trelawney)