How many of you have recently talked to a middle schooler?

I mean REALLY talked to them, like, got in there, rolled your sleeves up and just got elbow-deep into all of the preteen drama that is the life of a middle schooler?

I had the pleasure of doing that this weekend at my grandfather’s 95^th birthday party. My seventh grade cousin was in my backyard, hitting a volleyball around by herself, so I grabbed another beer and headed her way to see what sort of scoop she could give me.

Let me just tell you, we blew through a lot of topics. It really wasn’t difficult because, as it turns out, she and I have a lot in common: she is a kid with angst, I am an adult with angst, what else do you need to bond over?

I asked her about the volleyball, and she told me that she was going to try out for her middle school’s team, but she got too nervous and decided not to. She said she was just going to keep practicing for next year instead.

That specific part of the conversation stuck out to me more than anything, more than her shoe-shopping-with-her-dad woes, more than her extreme dislike of the color pink but her acceptance of the color mauve (that was a complete mystery to me), and more than her denouncement of leopard print (yeah, not gonna lie, that one cut me real deep).

It stood out because here was a girl who wanted something pretty bad, but she was too scared or nervous to go after it. And it made me sad.

Now, I’m not going to sit here and type that I am the bravest person out there. I’m not. I like my comfort zone. I’ve set up a little beanbag chair in Emma’s Comfort Zone. There are succulents. And harvest-scented candles. String lights. And also puppies. It’s cozy, and lots of times I don’t want to leave.

But growing up (and I use this term loosely, as I still have lots of growing to do) has taught me a lot about going after what you want, whether it’s a job, a guy, good grades, whatever. I’m not the most courageous gal out there, but I am proud to say that I do stick it right out there A LOT. And, I’m sure this will be a shock to you all, it doesn’t always work out for me, and especially not in the realm of guys.  

FOR EXAMPLE…

In my senior year of high school, I asked out a guy who was taller than me to go with me to prom. Did I really like him that much as a person? No. Did I think we would look great together in pictures? Abso-frickin’-lutely. He actually told me that he wasn’t going to prom that year, but when I went to prom with my own friends, I saw him there with a different girl. High school douchebag: 1, Emma: 0.

Sophomore year of college, I asked out a guy who I thought was FOR SURE going to say yes and ride off into the sunset with me in the most chic, sophisticated, we’re-both-cute-French-majors-so-let’s-make-this-happen way, but he told me that I was too masculine for him. That was a definite YIKES moment too, if I’m being completely honest.

And this past year, I SOMEHOW found the balls to ask a guy out to coffee, a guy who I’d liked for a while. I just sat down next to him in the library, and I did it. I was shaking the whole time, but he agreed to coffee. He was probably the nicest guy I’d ever met in my entire life, and he said that he wasn’t interested in me like that. I haven’t figured out how to include emojis in WordPress, but if I did, it would be the one with the grimace. Because that DEFINITELY didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.

These are just three snapshots; there are more stories where those came from. I mean, you do the math. I’m almost 23 and I’ve never dated anyone, but I stick it out there all the time. You can see how often it has worked out for me!

BUT…

I’m a firm believer in that if something sort of scares you, there’s a pretty good chance it would be good for you (barring armed robbery, hard drugs and all that jazz).

Getting out of your comfort zone to try a new thing, a scary thing, is hard. It really is. It’s so much easier to go about your life making comfortable, safe decisions that you know will work out for you. And I’m sure that there’s a time and a place for those decisions in my life, but that’s not always the way that I want to live. I want to make decisions that seem out of left field sometimes. I want to challenge myself to get out of my comfort zone. You know what I want? I want to try out for the volleyball team of LIFE!

*eye roll emoji*

Whatever. As dumb as that metaphor may have been (I’m still standing by it), I don’t want to play it safe. Do I sometimes cower in my own little hole in the ground and take the safest route? Oh, definitely. But if I don’t step out of it every once in a while to give something else a go, how can I ever grow as a person? Or learn about myself?

It’s really something I’ve been pondering during my job search, too. I know that living at home is objectively the best option for me. I know that it would help me get a jump start on saving money to pay off the three dump truck loads of debt that I have from my time at college. I know that it would make me feel safe and secure to live with my family for a little while longer in Fredericksburg.

So I’m applying to jobs here in Fredericksburg. I am. I’d be a fool not to, and if something that I liked came along and hired me, I’d be thrilled to the gills. But I’m also applying to other places. Places that, if I got a job there, I’d really have to think creatively to figure out how to make it work for me. But see, I’m okay with that.

And if I got a job somewhere other than Fredericksburg and it DIDN’T work out for me, for whatever reason, it would be okay too. Because it’s life, for Pete’s sake. Sometimes stuff just doesn’t work out. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t at least give it a go. That doesn’t mean that we don’t try out for the volleyball team.

Did I fling any of this unbridled wisdom at my seventh grade cousin this weekend? No, I didn’t. Instead, I told her an incredibly delightful story (made even more delightful by my beer-tinged embellishments) about how when I was in seventh grade, I, too, tried out for my school’s volleyball team.

And I didn’t make it.

But she could clearly see that it has neither scarred me nor slowed me down. I’m not traumatized by it. I tried, it didn’t pan out for me, and I was standing in front of her in my back yard holding a Bud Light Lime at Grandpap’s 95^th birthday party and LAUGHING about it.

And so I told her to do it next year. Don’t be scared about what might happen. Just take a deep breath and give it a go. If she makes the team, great! I told her that I hope that she has tons of fun and makes lots of friends.

And if she doesn’t make the team? Well, then at Grandpap’s next birthday party, she could stand in my backyard again, tell ME about it, and this time, SHE’D be laughing too. Because sometimes, that’s all we can really do, right?

Your Proud-That-She-Didn’t-Quote-Wayne-Gretsky-This-Whole-Post Servant,

Em