Will I ever stop referencing John Denver when talking about my new apartment and town? What’s the diagnosis? Is it chronic? Is it contagious? Just mildly annoying?

• The apartment is great, but moving the heavy fold-out couch up the staircase last weekend was traumatic, to say the least. You know that Friends episode where Ross keeps yelling PIVOT? So, imagine that, only it’s my dad saying things like “I need you to lift it up higher, Emma,” “I’m going to turn it, hold on, I need you to keep it steady” and “Oh, stop your whining,” and then me saying things like “Oh dear, I hope I don’t fall down the stairs” and “I’ve changed my mind, I don’t even want a couch anymore.” (EDITOR’S NOTE: I DO, in fact, want a couch. I’m now personally attached to it. I would have been very sad if Mom and Dad hadn’t helped me schlep it up the stairs. It was just the trauma speaking, you know?)

• I ate some poached eggs on an English muffin the other day in my underpants while watching Shrek 2. Lifestyle choices, you know. If you don’t think that Shrek 2 is the best Shrek movie, you are simply wrong. I don’t know what else to tell you.

• I will never take advantage of a dishwasher EVER again, because washing dishes by hand is the worst chore on the planet. And you can quote me on that. There are so many other things I can say on this topic regarding wet chunks of food, crust on pans, the bits of food that get stuck in the scrubby brush, etc. BUT I WON’T GO THERE. I’ve said my piece.

• I really love living with all of my roommates. You know, all of the bugs that miraculously find their way into the zen, wonderfully-fragrant-because-of-my-wax-warmer fortress of solitude and relaxation that is my apartment. I really love it. Really.

• I have a walk-in closet, which makes me feel sort of like a Kardashian, but only in the good ways (like I have money and lots of expensive things, minus the plastic surgery and bad taste in men).

• I don’t have to worry about anyone judging me while I listen to Little Red Corvette four or five times while getting ready for work in the morning. It’s just a REALLY good song, man. Prince did THAT.

• My very first night sleeping in the apartment, I had two dreams. One, I was having dinner in a fancy restaurant with a cute boy that I used to know from school (saucy minx that I am). Two, I got to meet Lady Gaga and sit in her red limo and she gave me signed photos of myself. Yes, you read that right. She had photos of ME, and she signed them and gave them to me. Weird? Yes. But both very good dreams, and on my first night in a new place? Come on, that HAS to mean something. Other than the fact that I have an overactive subconscious.

• I finally get to use my rug from school again. I don’t know if you can be sexually attracted to a rug, but if there ever was a rug that got my motor going, it would be this one. And it’s on the floor of my living room now. The sexiest rug ever. I’m the luckiest girl in the world. *swoon*

• I’m becoming more aware of my surroundings, because I have an odd step up into my shower and a low doorway into my kitchen AND a shelf above my toilet. The last thing I want to do is sustain an apartment-caused injury, so I’m practicing being CAREFUL. It feels alien to me.

• I have learned a lot more about deer “rutting season” than I really have cared to. For those who are woefully ignorant, it basically means that deer get really horny this time of year and just lose all of their God-given sense. Do deer have God-given sense to begin with? I don’t remember rutting season being covered in Bambi! OH DEER, I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

• At my new job, a big part of it is speaking to strangers on the phone. This is not something that I have the MOST experience with, but I am learning. And I will be DAMNED if my phone anxiety gets the better of me. If Teenage Emma survived her job at Office Depot where people on the phone yelled at her about ink or rulers or school supplies or other such nonsense, then New, Successful, Incredible, Witty, Funny, Generally Amazing Emma can do this new job.

• I will probably have to stop making fun of country music. Even though most of the current country music makes me dry heave, I should stop being so critical. I mean, not every type of music can be emotional 80s heartbreak ballads, right? Maybe I’ll expand my horizons. It’s just so hard when, like, a chart-topping country song right now is LITERALLY called Knockin’ Boots. I mean, one of the lines says “Birds need bees and ice needs whiskey.” I’m looking right at you, Luke Bryan. Do better.

• Back to the deer thing again. I might have a hang-up about it. There was a dead deer in my front yard yesterday. It was casual, you know, “nothing to see here people, keep moving, just a dead deer on the lawn to permanently scar Emma, no big deal.” I actually stopped a police car to tell him about it. He may have sensed that I am not from around here.

• I’m attempting to get back on a regular blog-posting schedule, but it was tough there for a while because my apartment didn’t have Internet (hello, free Wi-Fi at the McDonald’s down the road!) and I was trying to learn the ropes at my new job, which I’m having fun with. Basically, I’m looking forward to dragging you all into my slow-yet-sure evolution into a Mountain Mama. Take me home. COUNTRY ROOOOOADS.

• Yep. Definitely chronic.

Your Loves-a-Disorganized-List Servant,

Em