You know how people go to psychics so they can be told deep, inner Truths (capital T) about themselves? Well, I have a gal I go to. She doesn’t always get it right, but her heart’s in the right place.

Yep. It’s Buzzfeed. More specifically, Buzzfeed QUIZZES. She’s so wise. I tell her what kind of salad I like and she tells me how many kids I’m going to have? It’s science, people. Duh. Get with it.

This week, I decided to take 15 Buzzfeed quizzes to figure out some Truths about myself and see if there’s anything I learned. And, uh, I’ll say it certainly painted a…vivid picture.

Quiz 1: Rate These Food Combos as Gross or Great and We’ll Read Your Personality Type

Result: The Visionary

Okay, so according to this quiz, I’m a Visionary (which, hello, we already knew, but okay, I’ll bite), which means I’m an “inventive” and “creative” thinker. Huh. Doesn’t sound too bad. It goes on to say that this means I can spread myself too thinly among projects (okay, rude). 

Any Truth in that?

Sure. I’m kind of a creative type, right? Sometimes ideas run away with me, I GUESS. Gosh. Fine. I guess it’s True. Moving on. I can tell this is going to be an Emma June Roast Sesh. I’m prepared.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/ishabassi/polarising-food-combinations-quiz

Quiz 2: Get Dressed Up for a Party and We’ll Guess Your Deepest Fear

Result: Losing my loved ones

Ah…yes. Isn’t that like, everyone’s deepest fear? I mean I guess most people’s deepest fear is death in general, so the death of loved ones isn’t a stretch, I’d say. I mean, maybe it’s literal. Maybe it literally means just losing them. Maybe in a mall. Or a grocery store. Probably not, but who knows. It IS Buzzfeed, you know.

Any Truth in that?

Duh. Everyone is afraid of that. If you’re not, stay very far away from me.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/aliayousaf086/dress-makeup-for-a-party-and-well-reveal-your-b-37rq91ye5

Quiz 3: The 20 Wedding Foods You Love and Hate Will Reveal When You’ll Get Married

Result: In 15 Years

WHAT?! 15 YEARS?! That’s SO LONG! I’m almost 24 now, in 15 years I’ll be knocking on 39’s door. I don’t know what the future holds, but damn! Throw me a bone, already.

Any Truth in that?

Let’s all hope that there’s not. That’s so long to wait. I don’t have patience to wait for a pair of sunglasses I ordered on Amazon Prime to come in the mail in 2 days, so waiting 15 years for someone to marry might send me over the line.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/lizmrichardson/wedding-foods-love-hate-quiz

Quiz 4: Can We Accurately Guess Your Romantic Type?

Result: The True Romantic

A storybook romance? A grand gesture? I guess if I’m being SUPER introspective, then yes. Maybe I am, deep, deeeeeeeep down, a closeted romantic. It says, “You’d be balanced out nicely by someone who has an impulsive streak and is up for an adventure.” Um, that’s literally describing me, though. What do they mean, it’ll balance me out? Should I date myself?! IT’S NOT ADDING UP, BUZZFEED!

Any Truth in That?

I’ll say half and half. I think in my ~soul~ I’m a romantic, but let’s not get carried away.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/perpetua/guess-romantic-type

Quiz 5: Everyone has a Disney Villain Alter Ego–Here’s Yours

Result: (I’m embarrassed to even say it) Captain Hook

Okay. That’s it. I’ve had it. Captain Hook is LAME. He’s a bit of a crybaby and he bullies Smee and, you know what? I’m about to say it: His villain song is FAR from iconic. EVERYONE KNOWS that when it comes to Disney Villains, at least for the most part with ONLY A COUPLE exceptions, you judge them based on their Villain Song.

And his sucks. Oops, there, I said it.

Any Truth in that?

Well, I don’t really care for crocodiles but if I’m going to be a pirate, I won’t be a LAME one like Hook. So, no.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/genamourbarrett/which-disney-villain-matches-your-personality

Quiz 6: This Sweet or Spicy “Would you Rather” Quiz Will Reveal How Hot You Actually Are

Result: 97% Hot

Well, you heard it here first, folks. I don’t make the rules. Everything Buzzfeed says is always 100% accurate, so I guess I can’t argue. Oops. Oh well. I’m hot. Nanny nanny boo boo.

Any Truth in that?

Yes. 100% accuracy. Buzzfeed, I won’t question your powers again.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/angelicaamartinez/sweet-spicy-hotness-quiz

Quiz 7: Date or Dump These Disney Men to Reveal Your Type

Result: The Jokester

Okay, Li Shang? Swipe RIGHT. Hercules? Swipe RIGHT. John Smith? Swipe LEFT. Flynn Rider? Swipe RIGHT. Apparently that means I like guys with a sense of humor (and zero sense of colonialism). Duh. That’s not breaking news.

Any Truth in that?

Very, very true. Touché, Buzzfeed. I’m always looking for a laugh. 

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahmarder/date-or-dump-these-disney-men-to-reveal-your-type

Quiz 8: Everyone’s Aura has a Color and Holds Deep Meaning–Here’s Yours

Result: Purple

Like, as in, purple…rain?

PURPLE RAIN, PURPLE RAAAAAAIN

“What an incredible mind you have.” Pssshhhhh, if you say so, Buzzfeed.

“Your wisdom is something special and you shouldn’t be afraid to share it.” That’s what I do on the regular: share my wisdom. There’s a lot of it. So wise, I am. Like Yoda. If Yoda’s aura was purple.

Any Truth in that?

You tell me. I guess? An overactive imagination and oodles of wisdom? I’ll take it. Better than, like, a brown aura. Or a boogery color. Anything booger-adjacent is a definite no-go.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/christopherhudspeth/aura-color-quiz-image-reactions

Quiz 9: This is Weird [Editor’s note: yes, it was weird.], But Everyone Has a Type of Tree That Matches Their Personality, and Here’s Yours

Result: Ass

Excuse me, I read that wrong.

Result: Ash

“You are the fateful ash tree! You are a symbol of deciding one’s fate and providing wisdom to those who seek it. You are sugary sweet.”

Ahhh, okay. Better than a sharp stick in the eye, I guess. Another bit about wisdom. I must be real wise, huh?

Any Truth in that?

How the hell would I know if I am one with an ash tree? What a ridiculous notion.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/hazzajbazza/what-kind-of-tree-are-you-elr1pnviu4

Quiz 10: We Know When You’ll Get Married Based on the Cottage Life You Design

Result: October 4, 2025

Okay, now THAT’S more like it. No more of this 15-years-from-now business. This is a number I can get behind.

Any Truth in that?

Well, I don’t have a boyfriend or even any prospects, so maybe I should try to get over that hurdle first. But time is on my side for now.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jwesterman24/spend-a-day-at-a-cozy-cottage-and-well-tell-you-w-f2yj96xs9n

Quiz 11: Which Twilight Dude is Your Perfect Boyfriend?

(please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward please not Edward)

Result: Edward Cullen

ARGH, NO! DAMN IT!

Damn you, Buzzfeed. Anyone who has known me for a Good Long While knows that I lived and died by Team Jacob. PERIOD.

I will say, however, that I did recently rewatch the Twilight movies, and there ~may~ have been a moment or two when I was eyeing up Edward. But only a couple times. Whatever. I stand by it.

Any Truth in that?

OKAY, FINE. EDWARD IS ALSO HOT. I accept it. Do I prefer him over Jacob? Never. Don’t EVER disrespect the Quileute tribe like that AGAIN.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/oceanknott/find-out-which-twilight-guy-you-belong-with-2xjhoa2437

Quiz 12: Design Your College Dorm and We’ll Reveal What 3 Majors Suit You Best

Result: Psychology, Nursing or Criminal Justice

 “You’re a caring, empathetic person who wants to make a difference in the world.”

Well.

It also said I have a good nature and strong people skills (which we already knew, because I am so charming and quick-witted, right?), which I think is good for every career path, personally, so I pooh-pooh this answer. Anyway, what correlation does picking a few pink pillows and a cute tapestry with my major?

Any Truth in that?

Well, since I actually majored in French and Communications, the answer to that would be NO.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/angelicaamartinez/dorm-college-major-quiz

Quiz 13: Make a Playlist to Reveal Which Stereotypical Guy You Always Fall For

Result: The bad boy

*eye roll*

Sure. I’ll play along.

“You’re dying to find out what he’s hiding underneath his mysterious layers…sometimes, you need to let go of the bad boy, no matter how hot he is.”

I’m trying to think. In the past, I’ve gone for the stereotypical “dumb jock,” the “moody artist,” the “pompous writer,” and the “band geek,” but I’m not sure if I’ve ever actually gone for a bad boy in real life. Bad people? Yes. People with bad hair? Definitely. Bad personal hygiene? Not proud of it, but yes.

But not a bad boy. Yet.

Any Truth in that?

Not yet. But I guess I have time.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/aestheticdirection/make-a-playlist-and-well-tell-you-what-your-type-30hnv4gocn

Quiz 14: What Scent are You?

Result: Rain

You sure? Not burnt toast? Turpentine? Nail polish remover? Microwave popcorn?

Rain? Like…purple rain?

*deep breath*

PURPLE RAIN, PURPLE RAAAAAAIN

Any Truth in that?

Who the hell even knows? Again, better for my Self to smell like rain, as opposed to, say, armpit.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/jadenreine/what-scent-are-you-6c6b40g3lf

Quiz 15: Your Turn-Ons and Turn-Offs will Reveal Your Height and Age

Result: 26 and 5’9”

This quiz asked about mustaches, bald men, men with long hair, buff men, skinny men, men who climb on rocks, all of it.

I must be at least KIND OF in line with my age group, right? My actual age, 23, is close to 26, so I guess I did a good job with this quiz? I don’t know what the right result is. The moral of the story is, I can’t get witcha if you’ve got a ‘stache. Sorry.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/ajanibazile/turn-ons-turn-offs-age-height-quiz

What did I learn?

I’m wise.

That’s my biggest takeaway. That word, “wisdom,” appeared in a couple of my results, so it must be true. Can’t argue with the logic there.

I am also possibly, subconsciously, on Team Edward. So, I’ll be needing therapy for that. Thanks, Buzzfeed.

Possibly, if I combine 2 quiz results, maybe my actual type is the Bad Boy-Jokester, which actually sounds like it might be right up my alley. Leather jacket and tattoos? Yum. Good sense of humor? Yes, please. Stick that with someone who is also a closeted romantic and I might have a recipe for success. I’ll keep an eye out for that person. If any of you guys reading this know a guy like that, send him my way.

And soon, because my 2025 wedding date is coming up soon.

Basically, here’s what I’m taking away from my Buzzfeed personality projection:

I’m creative, wise, painfully hot (97% BABYYYY) and more into romance than I thought. I really like Prince. I don’t care for pirates. I would like to be married sometime within the not-too-distant future. That would be nice. I don’t want to lose any family or friends. I can’t abide by mustaches, which is probably another reason why I reject Captain Hook. I’ve got fabulous people skills and I am empathetic. Emphasis on the “Em,” not so much on the “pathetic.”

Anyway, I obviously included the links to the quizzes above, so if you want to come out with your own detailed vision board about your own Truths, feel free to do so and let me know what you learn.

Your In-Tune-With-her-Inner-Self Servant,

Em

Thumbnail image courtesy of https://uxdesign.cc/pop-the-question-ae90bfffd0d1

Edward and Jacob photo courtesy of https://www.eonline.com/news/360411/team-edward-vs-team-jacob-vote-in-the-2012-pop-culture-election