In my last post (20-some days ago), I pretended to be a food blogger. It was cute right? Tell me it was cute.

In the time since, I’ve decided I’m going to try my hand at a fashion blog post. That was the whole deal when I started this blog; I can’t just write about one thing. I hate putting myself into a box like that, and my mind is a scary place where I can’t actually compartmentalize and focus on one specific direction.

That’s a lot of blah-blah-blah that means: I do what I want, beeyotch!

I want to start doing periodic fashion posts, a) because I am basically a fashion plate and you should all be aware and marvel at my fashionableness, b) I love talking about clothes, period and c) I have a lot of interesting individual pieces in my closet that I’ve gotten through thrifting, and I like to highlight secondhand clothes! Fast fashion isn’t always the answer.

Today I want to present a few fall fashion looks using real-life pieces from my extensive and messy closet. Shoutout to my buddy Betsy for letting me use her office to take my pictures; my apartment has no space and thinking that I could even clear a path in my closet is literally LAUGHABLE. I’m going to try to include the brand name of the stuff I’m sure about (there aren’t that many, but I’ll try), but a lot of stuff has been either thrifted (as I mentioned before) or hand-me-downs OR I tore the label out because I hate itchy stuff. It’s a toss-up, so let’s see how this goes.

Trend 1: Leather (In Which You Will be Cool)

I think leather is, like, always a fall trend? None of these trends I’m going to list in this first fashion post are going to be groundbreaking, spoiler alert. I wanted to collect three solid trends that encompassed a large number of pieces in my closet, and lo and behold, leather is one of them.

Leather is spicy. Leather is cool. Leather is sexy. Leather reminds me a little of that Friends episode where Ross can’t get the leather pants off (or on? I don’t remember the episode entirely, but I remember that Ross had them, which is a laugh in and of itself).

Anyway, back to my previous point. People who are cool wear leather, ergo people who wear leather are cool. End of story.

Look 1: Gossip Girl Villain (ft. leather pants)

This is giving me the vibes of someone who would try to blackmail Serena Van Der Woodsen in Gossip Girl. The pants are more leather-look than actual leather (and I don’t really wear ACTUAL leather because I’m both poor and trying to be ethical), but they’re cool all the same. The long blazer ties the whole thing together and is pretty lightweight, perfect for a fall day where Mother Nature isn’t trying to freeze your ass off.

I’d probably wear this to a car show, if I ever went to a car show. Do people actually go to car shows? I’m deciding at this moment that I’m not going to suggest to everyone where I’d wear these looks. It would take too long and you can all use your imaginations.

Leather Pants: Long Tall Sally

Look 2: Lois Lane

I bought this skirt to wear out on New Year’s (back before COVID ruined everyone’s social lives) and it really stole the show (that’s my personal, professional opinion). I haven’t ever worn the skirt out without black tights, because that would be a liiiiiiiiittle too hoochie mama for my liking, especially because the skirt is a little short. And tight. I do love a good hoochie mama look every once in a while, but I need to be reasonable with myself.

I was recently told by someone, “so, you’re kind of like Lois Lane?” (because of my job), and I thought for a second. Sure, if Lois Lane was a small-town reporter with frizzy hair, a questionable sense of humor and even more questionable taste in men.

Oh well, at least I can dress the part.

Look 3: Red, Red Wine (ft. leather jacket)

If you don’t have a leather moto jacket, then let me gently suggest (or maybe not so gently) to GET RIGHT ON THAT. They’re warm, they’re a classic look, they look badass with every. Single. Outfit.

Seriously. Throw it on over anything and you will have to listen to everyone telling you how cool you are. Which will be “very cool,” if you invest in a good leather jacket. Listen to me.

Leather Jacket: A.N.A.

Jeans: Old Navy

Trend 2: Leopard Print (In Which You Will be Fierce)

I will be the first to tell you: this one is a little bit of a cop-out. I wear leopard print year-round. Doesn’t matter the weather. Leopards are always en vogue.

Also, side bar: I’m calling it “leopard print” but it could very well be cheetah print or the vague “animal print,” too. You know what I’m talking about. Big Cat Energy.

Meow.

Look 1: Farmer Emma (ft. leopard jacket)

I don’t know any farmers that wear faux fur, but I freaking LOVE this jacket. It’s one of my five leopard jackets (5! Yes, FIVE! Well, eight if you count cardigans, but I don’t count cardigans. I HAVE A PROBLEM, OKAY?!)

Anyway, throwing this one over a cutoff denim overall dress (I grew up calling them a jumper, but I guess that one has multiple meanings?) with black tights is a classic West Virginia fall look. I am qualified to tell you this, because it has been about a year that I’ve been living in West Virginia, and that means I’m practically a native. No? That’s not how it works?

Leopard jacket: WALMART, girl! Walmart has some good stuff and that is that, period. Don’t argue with me.

Look 2: Lois Lane Goes on a Safari (ft. leopard pants)

I’m going to lean into the Lois Lane thing, I’ve decided. And if our gal Lois didn’t have a pair of lightweight leopard print pants, then she was seriously missing out. If I pair it with two tried-and-true pieces, a white button down and a black blazer, then it’s very office-appropriate.

Also, you can start to see that I was getting tired of taking photos, because I started to be goofy and show off. And, as my Grandpap would say, “Quit yer showin’ off!”

Leopard pants: American Eagle

Chunky sandals: ASOS

Look 3: Jukebox Hero (ft. leopard bodysuit)

There isn’t a jacket on this look, because in an alternate universe when going out is socially and healthfully accepted, I’d rather freeze my ass off at a bar than hide this bodysuit.

It’s a little sheer, but if you slap on a nude bra underneath, no one can tell. And even though I just bought a pair of skater jeans from American Eagle that are the best jeans I have ever owned, I’m still a skinny jean girl, for the most part. And the higher the waist, the closer to God (that’s how the saying goes, right?), so bring on the high-rise.

Jeans: Old Navy

Chunky sandals: ASOS

Trend 3: Band Tees (In Which You Will Be Hip)

Again, I wear this trend year-round. What? Didn’t I mention that this was a kind of first-time fashion blogging thing? Cut me some slack, I’ll do better next time. Band tees rock.

…

That was a funny joke, and if you didn’t laugh, go get that checked out.

Substituting a band tee does a similar trick that leather does. It’s just cool, but in less of a sexy, mysterious, leathery way. It’s more of an “I listen to good music and I want you to know” way.

Note: A few days after taking these pictures, my Lady Gaga Chromatica t-shirt came in the mail, so sadly I didn’t have that in my repertoire when I took these pictures. Sad face. I’ll feature her in another post. Patience, my loves.

Look 1: Librarian At a Justin Bieber Concert (ft. Justin Bieber tee)

I was never really a Belieber, but this t-shirt was like, two dollars at Papaya once about four years ago, so I bought it. And in my personal (professional) opinion, pairing it with (gasp!) leopard print and a bright yellow blazer is the best way to go.

This blazer is EVERYTHING and I love it dearly. And the tennis shoes? Well, if I WERE a librarian at a Justin Bieber concert, a below-the-knee skirt paired with tennis shoes would be the move because it’s on-brand AND comfy. Very important.

Look 2: Meat Loaf (ft. Meat Loaf tee)

There are few things in this world I love more than the music of Meat Loaf. Seriously. VERY few. But that’s a column for a different day, and no, I’m not joking about that. I’m working on it now.

Anyway, I love a good androgynous feel to an outfit, which is why this chunky gray blazer is a good choice. I think it’s a kind of wool blend? It’s super warm.

The jeans are your quintessential “mom jeans,” so they’re not super tight. I hike ‘em up to the heavens, too. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Jeans: Riders by Lee

Chunky sandals: ASOS

Look 3: Richard Simmons (ft. Cher tee)

Yes, this is a very 80s workout outfit. But I’d rather look more like a lump when I work out these days, so this would be more of a grocery store look, I’m thinking. But again, use your imagination.

This tee and the Meat Loaf one, they’re not actually cropped. I follow this one gal on Instagram and she always tucks the hem of the shirts into the band of her bra, and then POOF, it looks like a crop top. I love a good cropped tee.

Biker shorts are a trend it’s taken me a while to get into, but I like the look of pairing them with black tights. It’s very fall-appropriate and it makes me feel better about neglecting shaving my legs. Win-win.

Again, clearly I’m getting antsy because WHAT ARE THESE POSES?! Emma, can you take ONE THING seriously? Ever??

Cher tee: H&M

So, there it is. My set of outfits. I do want to mention one more thing really quick: my go-to, must-have items that appeared a couple times in these photos, because while “function over fashion” is all well and good (lol no), why not have both?

As the French say, “Pourquoi pas les deux?”

• Black tights: I wear them under everything in the fall. Dresses, skirts, shorts, skorts, jeans, you name it. They take pieces that otherwise would be warm-weather-only and make them seasonally appropriate. Find a brand and keep a bunch of them on hand, because runs are imminent.
• Belt: For goodness sake, use belts. Define that waist. I like a black one with a gold buckle as my go-to, but occasionally I’ll break out of my comfort zone with a leopard print one. Wait a second…
• White tennis shoes: As long as they aren’t super dirty or scummy, they’re a good, comfy, everyday shoe. I need lots of support (mentally, physically, emotionally, and yes, in the realm of footwear) so they work for me.
• Sunglasses: This is a driving safety tip. When it’s sunny, wear sunglasses. Don’t squint. Find a cute pair, and then find 5 more and keep them around because chances are, you’ll sit on at least one pair of them. You’re welcome for that handy dandy tip.

Anyway, I know I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve had a lot going on! I’ll be back again here soon (next week, hopefully) with another post. If that sounds like a threat, that would be because it is.

Your Fashion-Forward-Backward-and-Side-to-Side Servant,

Em