I got to spend a little time with my family during Christmas, and I had an interesting exchange with my little brother. He goes to a military academy, and he’s working on getting…what’s the word he used?

Oh, right: “swole.”

He’s trying to pack on some muscles, and one day when he was prancing around in his tank top (a smart decision in December, no doubt), he lifted his arm and there was a red mark in his armpit.

A burn? A scar? A…hickey?

Nope. None of those things. He proudly announced that it was, in fact, a stretch mark.

You know, from all of his working out. Building muscles. He also pointed out that he had stretch marks on his hips and his butt as well. Because, he said, that’s what happens when you’re trying to get ~big~.

I guess that’s what the kids are saying these days to mean “buff.” “Muscular.” Honestly, I just go along with it. Today’s youth, amiright?

It was quite charming to see how delighted he was by his changing body and the evidence that showed it.

That is inspiring this, my New Year’s blog post.

Every year, I make some iteration of the same resolutions, and last year’s resolutions all fell under the same umbrella: “Take care of yourself.” “Myself.” Whatever. Me, Emma June Grosskopf. Get in there, girl.

A.k.a, drink more water. Try to get on a more regular workout routine. Eat healthy. Et cetera, et cetera. And not just physically, either. I tried to journal more in 2020 and take some time for self-care.

I’m not trying to brag, but I did a pretty dang good job at following my 2020 resolutions. Okay, it was a tough year for everyone and lots of the time I wasn’t enjoying myself, but I did a pretty decent job in learning about myself and taking care of ME.

(Also, to be fair, being at home during a pandemic makes it a lot more attractive to do some of the self-care items that previously, one might have overlooked. Like, come THROUGH, skin care routine. I’m actually using TONER these days. Who the hell even knows what toner is supposed to do for your face?! Tone it? What does that MEAN?!)

So, now I’m staring down 2021 and, I’m going to be quite honest with you, my resolutions aren’t really going to change.

I did add one auxiliary resolution though: STOP BUYING LEOPARD PRINT. STOP IT NOW.

Quick aside: this is not because leopard print is any less fabulous in 2021. It continues to be iconic, and I’m the authority on this. You can trust me. I just can’t keep buying clothes that are leopard print because my ENTIRE closet will soon look like a damn safari, and I, as a fashion plate, require a little more versatility. It’s too much.

Usually I don’t mind being “too much,” but in this case, for my own closet and sanity, I need to dial it back.

Anyways, barring that one addendum, my 2021 goals are the same: to take care of myself. And the little anecdote I told about my little brother’s armpit a few inches earlier illustrates one of the tenets of the resolution: positive self-talk.

Look, I’m gonna be real with you: My body changed this year. I lost some weight last winter, gained a lot of it back, lost a little, gained it back, blah blah blah.

My weight has fluctuated and there are some things about me I’ve never been more aware of.

My stretch marks. My smooshy-ness. My cellulite.

And I spent a lot of time this year beating myself up about them.

So, one of my goals for 2021 is to cut that shit out.

All of our bodies have changed this year. Honestly, our bodies usually change year-to-year, but 2020 was a little…unique in that regard. Especially now, when we’re seeing memes everywhere and hearing jokes about “quarantine-15” and weight gain during this pandemic that we’re all patiently (or, not-so-patiently) awaiting the end of.

And now, with New Year’s, we’re probably going to have that rhetoric piled on even more due to “holiday weight gain” and diet-centric resolutions.

And if your goals for the new year involve dieting, that’s no shade toward you. Do your thang. It’s just that sometimes the rhetoric that comes at us around this time of year isn’t the best to put us in our most healthy mindset moving into the new year.

But back to the positive self-talk.

Isn’t it exhausting to look at yourself in the mirror and constantly pick apart your own body? Look, I do it. We all do it. When our bodies are changing, we do it even more. In 2021, I want to stop that.

When I look down at the stretch marks that have gotten more visible on my thighs and hips, I want to approach them with the same appreciation that my little brother did with his.

Sure, we got them in different ways. But then again, I do not go to a military academy, and spending longer than 90 minutes at a gym sounds like a cruel and unusual punishment to me.

To each their own.

In 2020, I focused on ACTION. Actions I could take to take care of myself. And overall, I think I did a good job. I certainly can feel the improvement. This year, I want my thoughts and self-talk to reflect that.

I don’t mean that I’m going to whisper sweet nothings to my hip fat. That is not what that means. Might be interesting if it was, though. Maybe I’ll consider it, just to see if it helps anything.

*scribbles in her notebook*

I just mean I want to train my brain to see these parts of my body that I’ve grown up thinking were flaws, as just as delightful as the rest of me.

As I continue to try to keep myself healthy,  mentally, physically and emotionally, I’m making that conscious effort to not beat myself up about my changing body. That’s really the bottom line.

And, who knows? Between tweaking my self-talk and cutting down on my leopard print purchases, 2021 might actually shape up to be a pretty good year.

Your Really-Trying-to-Post-More-in-the-New-Year Servant,

Em